Day 5 of How to Survive a Family Road Trip: Escaping Death, Vampires & the USA

Let me start this hub off by apologizing. I know how you all feed so desperately off of every last word I write, so I am terribly sorry I have been gotten progressively later and later at posting these daily hubs. I know it must be difficult to live with some semblance of meaning in your life when you don’t have my new posts to get you through, but rest assured, these hubs of mine are indeed part of the 30-Day Hub Challenge, so you will have a total of at least 30 hubs to read and look back on when the Challenge ends. And you can be sure I am not leaving any time soon, so there will be many hubs to follow.

Now to the hub!

Because the combined store of patience in my family wouldn’t likely fill a thimble, we decided to skip going to Seattle altogether and make a straight shot to Canada. My sister, the conniving little, monk seal-faced rascal she is, used her cunning and persuasion to get my parents to take that “straight shot” right through Forks, Washington…

Think of the most incredibly boring event you have ever had the misfortune of enduring, and of the subsequent feeling of desperation that likely welled up inside of your cramped and tired soul.

Now multiply that feeling a billion-fold.

That was pretty much how I felt the majority of the day, forced to sit through more sweltering weather, in a town so dreary and ugly, I have no idea how it supports any life at all.

Who would have thought that this dusty, little, decrepit town in the middle of Podunk, Washington, amok with such a lovely breed of beer-bellied, gun-toting white Americans, would be the ideal place-setting for Stephanie Meyer’s famous Twilight book series? Since I refuse to subject myself to such lowly forms of entertainment, I have avoided both the books and the movies altogether, and thus remain completely (and happily) ignorant as to the corresponding significance of any of the places in town with that of any of the scenes from the movie. But after seeing what a cr*p-hole she had to work with, my respect for her literary ability has increased significantly. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually read one her books…Right after hell freezes over and my feet grow antlers.

I did find a picayune chunk of pleasure from the whole experience, I suppose. My sister’s incessant energy and loud bouts of psychotic, incoherent babble caused by her finally getting to see the town in person she had only before seen 18 times on screen, increased with each passing minute of our tour. By the time we left, she was moving so rapidly and with such frantic abandon, that the sides of her body became covered in a mural of bruises—really, a fascinating and surprising medley of color to behold.

I was sad when it became time to duct tape her once again on the roof of the car. I would now have to crane my neck outside the window if I wanted to catch even a glimpse of those bulbous rainbows all over her.

No. Not even after 6 hours, baking to a crisp in that car. We passed a few interesting little sights along the way, though.

Stopping for gas, we entered a tiny road-side pit-stop store. Over the doorway hung two scythes, forming the most welcoming upside-down “V.” And after entering, seeing the dust and cobwebs that littered the place, I was starting to become concerned over just who ran this little establishment. Lucky, though, Death was not our cashier. That is, unless he’s decided to do away with the black hood and take the form of an aging, ginger-fro’d lady with a southern accent…Either way, his/her scythes were attached safely to the outside of the building, so I had no reason to really be that concerned for my life, right? Oh, and did I mention the taxidermy? Right above the Pringles was a real, stuffed mountain lion. I don’t think it was for sale. I’m just happy I didn’t suffer a similar fate.

When we finally reached Port Angeles and I was able to get out of the car for a length of time and finally regain feeling in the lower half of my body, it was almost sundown. Apparently, this time of the day is just when the wildlife comes out to feed; a family of raccoons emerged from the rocks surrounding the port as we arrived. They were just cute enough that my mom and sister decided to throw them bits of food. The whole time, I was just waiting for them to get rabies. “Luckily” they weren’t bitten, and we boarded the ferry in a couple hours.

Stuffed to bursting point with Dramamine, I managed to keep the seasickness at bay and enjoy our little cruise. But only after I found a way to attach my sister to the hull of the ship—it’s much harder than the roof of the car, I’ll tell you that. The crewmen were surprisingly helpful. Apparently they have a lot of spare ropes and things that really only need to be used when the ship docks. Sadly, I’m still going to have to buy another roll of duct tape once we get settled in Canada.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I am effin tired. Enjoy Chris2!

Toodles!

It’s so nice to finally be in Canada. I feel like it has taken much longer than five days to get here. Today marks the loss of my Canada Virginity! I’ll keep you posted on my thoughts and impressions of this lovely country. 

The whole name is Downriggers Restaurant & Cocktails, but sadly I didn’t get to partake in any of the cocktails this time. The food, at least what I tried of it, was very good, though. I had their famous, award-winning clam chowder, and it was truly divine. If I could give it an award, I definitely would. In terms of pricing, the chowder was really the only thing that was fairly cheap (the bread bowl portion was $7.99).

I still marvel at how we have the ability nowadays to do such crazy things as ride our cars onto enormous ships that will carry us and our things to a whole, other another country. The scale of our ferry was crazy! A big-rig truck was even able to fit inside the bowels of the ship. I have a difficult enough time trying to fathom these dinky vessels, let alone some of the truly gargantuan ones like the aircraft carriers.

When we finally arrived in Port Victoria, I was struck by the beauty of the lights in the water. In the black of the night and the water, the reflection of the lights resembled vivid paint, dripping and writhing. It was otherworldly, and probably one of the most beautiful things I have seen at night. In addition, there were all the buildings lit up neon blues, purples, oranges, and yellows that stood like Disneyland all around. Needless to say, this all made for a fine welcome party to Canada.

The hotel my parents booked for our two-night stay in Victoria has no air conditioning. Which, according to my mom, would normally not be a problem, as Canada is typically cold even during July. How is it that we bring the Los Angeles weather with us wherever we go?

The rooms are fine, but nothing really special. They big enough. Our room’s bedside wall-lights are missing some screws and so precariously dangle out from the wall. I’ll tell you more after I’ve endured it another night.

I'm sorry I'm skimping out a bit in this section... We were on the road so long that really, Chris1 gets more to say because, well, he has more to complain about.

Tomorrow though, you'll get to hear all about my first day in Canada (which luckily involved very little time in the car).