Day 7 of How to Survive a Family Road Trip: Exhibits, Ferries & Generosity

Holy McCoy! All of this incessant activity has been making it ever more difficult to find adequate time to work on my daily posts. God, if only we had less to do on this never-ending trip. Damn you, Canada!

Which, reminds me—this hub marks the official half-way point of this road trip. I must admit, I doubted I would survive, sanity in tact, after a few days, let alone a whole week! Today also marks the completion of a little less than one-forth of my 30 Hubs in 30 Days Challenge! Kudos, me.

I digress, and the burly, scar-mangled hands of time continue to tap away their loud and incessant ticking…Looks like it’s time to strap on the intravenous caffeine drip!

We toured the Royal British Columbia Museum today. I should have known that evil was afoot as soon as my nose started bleeding profusely. We had only taken less than a few steps onto the museum green when blood gushed forth from my pale nostrils. Luckily, we were no longer in Forks, Washington so I had worries about any nearby vampires latching themselves to my face. After it looked as though I were wearing red latex gloves, the bleeding finally ceased, I washed off and entered the museum.

Still a little shaken from my bloody detour, I was feeling angsty and uncomfortable in general, towards nothing in particular…That is, until we entered that one horrifying room—the exhibit of animals native to Canada! The realism of it all—it’s enough to make one impale themselves with their museum brochure (don’t try it, no matter if you succeed at inserting it into your sternum or not, you will be unable to read it afterward).

I don’t know how many of out there share this same fear of these sorts of, large, disturbing stuffed animals, but let me assure you: you have NOTHING to be ashamed of. In fact, for those of you who have no fear whatsoever of these dangerous beasts, you should force yourself to acquire one. It is a matter of national and human pride. This educational taxidermy poses a dire threat to our very existence! So when you ask me how I feel about my loss of bladder control triggered by entering upon a display of animals in a Natural History museum, I will tell you that I’m proud of my hysterics! If you happen to accompany me on my visit to these lairs of evil, I will even show you just how dedicated I am to my sentiments on this issue of worldly security. For example, upon entering the exhibit in the Royal BC Museum, I screamed with extra pitch and volume, just to show everyone how proud I was of my strange, but surely not unique condition. Many heads turned, their faces stared at me with eyebrows raised. But I just held my head up high, and squeezed the my mother’s pant leg ever harder, because I knew that their looks of confusion were just their way of saying, “good for you.”

Though this taxidermy terror is something that I readily flaunt, I suppose it is never good to hold onto such a deep-set fear for too long. I have devised a way to rid myself of this panic once and for all. Come next year, I will have acquired a highly dangerous, super-secret weapon appropriate for wiping out ever last one of those foul-faced beasts from the face of every museum of this great Earth! It is true, Chris1 is not only a brilliant and hilarious writer, but also a scientific and artistic prodigy! Kept top secret until now, this unstoppable force will soon be revealed to you, my dear fans and supporters, and the world, for the FIRST TIME EVER in this very hub!

THE GERBIL-MOTH

Not intimidated? Well, you should be—that is if you are museum taxidermy! With the combined abilities of the adorable and agile Middle-Eastern gerbil and the delicately elegant eating habits of the clothing moth, I will engineer a creature so terrible, so awesomely carnivorous, that not even a herd of stuffed Pacific walruses will stand a chance.

One day, far form now when the clouds of terror have parted and the sun’s angelic rays of peace and harmony stream in through the windows of every museum, you will look around and think to yourself, praise Chris1 for his bravery and intellect so many years ago, when he transformed himself from a mere Hubber…to a god. Just you wait—in one year from now, we will live in a world filled with happiness, a world of glee and safety, where our children and our children’s children can enter a museum without fear for their livelihood.

So, my dear comrades, when the skies above fill with the banshee-like victory squeaks of thousands upon thousands of furry rodent-insects in flight, do not be alarmed. Simply smile, get down on your knees and worship me—feel free to even send me money and valuables as well, because you’ll know you’ve been saved, and you will know who saved you.

You’re welcome, in advance.

The majority of the rest of the day was spent on a grueling trip on yet ANOTHER ferry! What is it with Canada and its islands popping up like back-ne on the rotund face of North America’s waters? At this point, I don’t understand how Canadians haven’t yet evolved into mermaid-like specimens, feeding off barnacles on the sides of rocks and raising their young with their furry, clam-loving otter kin. Living in the water would be much more cost effective, saving the government thousands of dollars in ferry maintenance and saving the earth’s stores of crude oil for other, more important uses. Like powering my speedboats and my factory of malnourished Tibetan children who make my clothes.

I’ve been on the ferry so many times during the last week that I am now an expert on making the most out of these little trips across watery hell. Here are some tips on how to endure the ferry if you should find yourself in such an unfortunately boring trek.

• Food: As during any other forms of travel, it is essential that you bring mounds upon mounds of comfort foods. Since these trips can be taxing and traumatic, especially when traveling over water, it is important to have some means of catharsis readily available. Pop open your bag of Doritos (or my fav, an industrial size bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos), and hunker down. Just concentrate solely on the act of eating and you will be so distracted from everything going on around you that you will arrive at your destination before you even reach the peak of a panic attack.
• Entertainment: If you are more courageous, or have been lucky enough to afford years of intensive therapy, you have more options than just food to keep you busy. Since you are on a public mode of transit carrying hundreds of random individuals, it is fairly easy to instill mass panic with only minimal effort. What is more entertaining than hundreds of screaming strangers thinking fighting for their lives? Of course, don’t actually put them in mortal peril, just make establish an overall sense of impending doom. Just sneak into the cabin of the ship, knock the captain(s) unconscious (your unnecessarily large bag of chips should do the trick) and take control of the intercom. In the most convincing hansom weathered captain’s voice, reveal to everyone aboard of the incredibly terrifying scenario unfolding. Just use your twisted imagination. Some examples include a bought of locusts descending on the ship, a hole in the bow, an attack by Somalian pirates, or, my personal favorite, a rapidly spreading zombie plague. Watch the chaos ensue, sit back, and have fun! In no time at all you’ll have arrived at your destination…As long as you remember to revive the unconscious captain(s).

That’s about it for today. I’ll let Chris2 finish up.

Toodles!

I leave Victoria with a touch of sadness. It is such a vibrant city, and I have only just touched the tip of its vast metropolitan iceberg. Having has such a wonderful experience so far, I am now positive that I will be returning to Canada for many more trips to come. And when I return, I will make sure to visit this city again and experience even more of what it has to offer.

The quality of this museum was vastly nicer than many Natural History museums I have visited back home in the States. Of course, there are the famous few in the US that will always be regarded as the best of the best, but I believe that the Royal BC should also be added to that so called list. While it isn’t the largest museum, it makes up for its size in its quality and the innovative nature of several of its larger exhibits.

The Treasures: The World’s Cultures from the British Museum exhibition currently on show, displays artistic pieces from all over the world, tracing several historically prominent cultures back thousands of years. Such items on display include, in my opinion, some of the British Museum’s most interesting ancient Egyptian artifacts (though sadly none of the big hitters, like the easily identifiable artifacts of King Tut), 20^th century Solomon pieces, ancient Chinese artifacts, and ancient Greek bowls. There are far too many fabulous pieces to recount here.

If you don’t have the chance to make it ever to the British Museum but are able to visit the Royal BC, this exhibit will give you a very nice taste of what the British Museum offers. It is only a taste, though. A very small taste, but a good one nonetheless.

The rest of the museum features several permanent galleries: The First Peoples Gallery, showcasing the cultural heritage of British Columbia before and after the arrival of Europeans; The Modern History Gallery, which I enjoyed the most out of the permanent galleries, for its detailed walk-through recreations of important places in BC over the span of 200 years; and The Natural History Gallery, filled with tons of models of the natural habitats specific to BC with tons of taxidermy, fossils, and bones of all kinds.

I cannot praise the Modern History Gallery enough. In it, you are taken through several large rooms filled with incredible to-scale models and structures, including a historic ship and a hotel from the turn of the century. There is even a “train station” where every few minutes you can watch and hear a train go by. The lights and sounds feel just like a real train. I found myself just sitting there waiting for it to come by again, fascinated by the museum’s innovative display. Walking through this gallery gives one a rich educational experience that is so tangible and sensory, it doesn't feel at all like you’re attending a history lesson. The Royal BC Museum is a must for anyone visiting Victoria.

Every now and then in life, we are lucky enough to be treated to small acts of unique and genuine generosity from complete strangers. Today, as I was wandering the tiny outdoor market set right beside the car lineup for the Swartz ferry, I happened upon a family eating a delicious looking pizza. I was very hungry, but heretofore displeased with everything being sold at the food counters I saw nearby. This family’s pizza looked like the most appetizing thing there, and so I hoped to find out the location of this market’s mysterious pizza place. Right after I asked them, without hesitation or even attempting to answer my question, they immediately urged me to take a slice or two for myself. I declined out of politeness, and out of the assumption that their offer was based simply in superficial politeness as well. But they persisted. An harmless, but awkward back and forth banter ensued, in which I declined to take their pizza and they tried to hand it off to me. In the process I found out that they had brought this food in from the city. Seeing their genuine pleasure when I finally took a piece of their (indeed) delicious pizza brightened my day and warmed my heart.

It is moments like this that make me wonder why people aren’t more generous more often. Growing up in Los Angeles where a homeless person seems to stand at the corner of every street, I find it strange that so many of my friends are discouraged from giving them money, let alone acknowledging them. It is true that a lot of people living on the street are there because of drug abuse and other nasty habits that are only fueled by giving them handouts, but still, I just wonder what it is that has brought us to the point at which we refuse so often to help those who are in the most desperate need. Obviously there are shelters and wonderful organizations that do great work all the time. But I’m talking about an initiative on a person-by-person, stranger-by-stranger basis. If we can simply see everyone—from the man with the briefcase and $1000 suit, to the woman in tattered rags, to the boy with the blue checkered scarf—as our friends in some capacity, I think we will begin to live in a world where these gestures are so commonplace, their action isn’t even thought as out of the ordinary. Where, if you have the opportunity to make someone happy by doing something simple, you just do it.

It would have been so easy for that family to tell me that they purchased the food out of town, and have that statement be the end of it, but they chose to take an extra step with no harm to themselves.

So far, Canada has proved to be many things, and best of all, a very kind-hearted place. We’ll see if this persists!

Stay tuned for Day 8! And please, do something nice to a complete stranger. He may thank you by writing about it in a hub.