Earning Money in College: How to Make LOTS of Cash Easily in School!

Do you find yourself in the midst of your studies when you realize the only thing preventing you from suddenly boring your pencil into the side of your head is your naive hope for a money-making occupation in your future? Or, do you simply yourself staring at long hours into your computer screen, gradually searing your retinas, secretly hoping you'll burn them into blind and smoldering lumps, preventing you from being able to do any more school work ever again? When I feel this way, I don't further condemn myself to a world of torturous academics, I go out and do something completely unrelated! And do you know what the most fun and therapeutic activity available to mankind is? MAKING MONEY. Wads and gobs and piles of cold, HARD, CASH are what you need to lift your spirits, and provide sufficient amount of distraction to feed your procrastination to the point at which you'll never study or do homework again!

Don't believe me? Just hear me out--I was unhappy for the majority of my life until I started making money in college. See, there you go. It's really easy as that.

Don't worry, dry your eyes and keep on reading--you're in luck, I'm in such a good mood (because of my unending stream of incomprehensibly large sums of money, obviously) that I will even detail how you can actually go about earning all this cash.

NOTE: If you aren't in a mood for humor, skip this section and continue towards the middle of the article and begin reading at **Chris2**

You know you've always wanted to! Now's your chance! With all of the fresh, young "talent" available to you from your own campus, you could be the next Iceberg Slim!! Students, faculty, even maintenance people can all be exploited for their sexual abilities.

There are two ways to go about acquiring all the necessary minions of the night...

Your first stop should be the Sororities and Fraternities. There’s good reason why sorority girls are so often called “hoes.” Just look at them! They already look like they are prostituting themselves! You can be sure that every one of them you ask will be more than willing to join your team—finally, they can make what was before only just a slew of often heard insults and slights their reality!

The frat boys may not be as enthusiastic as the girls. Don’t be discouraged. Studies have shown that there is enough sexual energy in one frat house to power a small city for several days. Just remind the boys of the frequency and ease with which they will be getting laid and they will hop right on board.

Now that you’ve got your posse of hot, young hoes to do your bidding, you’re going to need a place to let them get jiggy with it! Since you’re on a college campus, I highly discourage any of you from letting any of your hoes work the corners like any old cheap-as* hookers. Plus, campus security is bound to catch on if you make a show of your showgirls/boys in public…That is, unless you hire some of campus security…

Really any enclosed structure can form a decent brothel. The bathroom down the hall, the car of your unwitting friend, that dumpster behind the dean’s office, but I recommend using a dorm. If you cannot secure an entire dorm building, a hall or two should be fine until you get sufficient funds and enough exploitative power to become corrupt and tyrannical. Don’t worry about having to coax your roommates, neighbors, hall-mates or RAs into allowing you to form your house of pleasure, just get a couple of your burliest broads or bros to show them you mean business, so that they’ll be so terrified, they’ll have to comply for fear of losing their various appendages.

Campus security is there for a reason. Take advantage of their presence on campus to not only help you maintain a safe prostitution environment, but to also spread the word of your massive love-shack.

That’s pretty much it! Let your hoes give you a pat on your back (or maybe somewhere else) to congratulate you for becoming the best pimp this side of the college circuit!

My work here is done. Be free and do your lascivious bidding! Next time I hear from you, it had better be through the hoarse, lipstick caked mouth of a cracked out whore! : )

Toodles!

Adults and homeowners alike aren’t the only people suffering in this economy. Entire families are finding the need to cut back on spending, limiting allowances and extra spending money for students like you and me! Luckily, even if you are a full-time student, there are plenty of ways to earn money and still have time to complete your studies AND have fun.

If you are a receiving financial aid, your college or university may offer a work-study program in which your paycheck earned at your school job may go directly towards your tuition. Consult the people in your Financial Aid Office to discover your options. While this work-study money may not be accessible to you for personal use, it is a good way to lighten the exorbitant strain of tuition costs.

Whether or not you are receiving financial aid, you should certainly stop by your school’s Career Services or Business Center. These offices were created not only to help you find a job when you graduate, but also to help you find work right on campus. Chances are if you attend a small college like I do, the available jobs will be limited. If you aren’t receiving financial aid and are not eligible for work-study, you will be further limited in the jobs accessible to you. Thus, it is essential that you begin consulting the Business Office as early as possible. Begin emailing them even before the school year starts, so as to better your chances of finding a job on campus. The longer you wait, the less spaces there will be open. If you are unable to acquire a job for the oncoming semester, don’t be discouraged, the school may still be able to place you on a waiting list for jobs for the following semester.

This is just one type of job that may be offered to you. Every school has positions in some kind of dorm or hall monitoring leadership. At my college, these available positions are Residence Assistants (RAs) and First-Year Counselors (FYCs), but the names vary from school to school. These positions are great for those students who have many academic responsibilities, because these jobs allow work right from the comfort of your own room. Sometimes these positions pay with cash, other times, your only paycheck may be the “joy and responsibility” of the job itself. These jobs usually entail but are not limited to monitoring the halls to prevent any illegal activity (underage drinking and such), responding to noise complaints, cleaning up the messes in the public spaces (the hallway and bathrooms) that the custodial staff won’t touch, and being an informal therapist for stressed-out students in your hall or dorm.

If you can handle hours of deafening silence and have a lot of work to complete on a daily basis, this is the job for you. You can assist students in a tranquil air-conditioned environment while doing your homework in between. The best part is you still earn cash!

Our Technology Center is located in the library, but on other campuses, this isn’t always the case. If you are tech-savvy and want to work in a relatively quiet environment, this job should be suited to your needs.

While working in this type of environment may not afford much down-time to allow for homework completion, if you enjoy cooking and maybe think you could improve upon the school’s menu, why not apply? You’re bound to have fun, working in this fast-paced and colorful environment. If the food turns out great, you can proudly mention to your friends your hand in its preparation. If it still tastes like crap, well…at least you tried, right?

Every college and university has at least one. One of the greatest benefits of working here, is that often, you will be offered an employee discount. With the rising cost of textbooks, this job is perfect for anyone wishing to easily cut additional costs out of the college experience. 

There are bound to be a plethora of other, more unique jobs available to you on campus. Some colleges and universities will allow their students to partake in custodial jobs in places outside of the dorms. If you attend a school in a rural, farming communities, you may have the opportunity to help out with cleaning in the areas on campus devoted to cattle and other animals. If you enjoy working around animals, and your campus contains stables and horse rings, why not determine if you can work as a ranch-hand or groomer? If your campus produces vegetables, dairy and/or meat products, don’t forget to investigate jobs in those areas as well.

Every campus is unique and is bound to have its own set of maintenance issues that require your help. Check it out!

If you cannot find a job on campus, you can always look into working in town nearby. I have some friends who help with fire-fighters during certain times in the year, and who work at clothing shops and bars nearby. While all of them have to schlep off campus to work, I believe they tend to make a little more money than they would have had they stayed on campus. They weighed the value of proximity to pay-check, and chose the latter as more important. Compare the pay between your jobs on campus and those off. The disparity may surprise you. Luckily, and typically, there are more job opportunities and a wider array of types of jobs off campus than on, so if you are unhappy with your campus’ selection, you should be able to find a job in town that, as they say, really “moves your socks.”

If you fail at finding ANY job on or off campus, you can always donate sperm and blood plasma. Both will earn you cash quickly and fairly easily. While these are fairly controversial, and you may find yourself grimacing at the idea, I have heard of many students desperate for some green cashing in on these opportunities.

I could spend an entire hub explaining the ins and outs of donating, but since there are some brilliant hubs on both of these topics already, I will leave it to you to find out more…

Please feel free to comment below! I would love to hear of any other ways in which we can earn money in college. These options above are by no means the only ways to help pay your way through school!